Wordsmith Lane

Girlfriend Magazine: Get out of Gaol free card: Getting out of trouble the adult way

Published in Girlfriend, August 2008. Copyright Sarah Ayoub 2008

Everyone’s guilty of messing up at some stage of their lives, but sulking your way out of trouble just won’t cut it if you’re campaigning for the adult treatment. We feel for you, so we’ve compiled the low-down on making things right!

Why fess up? According to University of Sydney Anthropologist (basic translation: person who studies human behaviours and interactions in various cultures) Dr. Stephen Juan, apologising is the essence of being an adult, and the way you do it might be the distinguishing factor between your mature self and your Hi-5 watching, potty-training, and ultra-annoying little sister. Not only is apologising accepting responsibility for wronging another, but it is also both the “admission of a mistake and an invitation to be asked to ‘make good’” – just make sure you read the fine print below before you RSVP.

Honesty: The best policy Honesty’s a fundamental building block of social relationships, so take care to tell the truth no matter how hard it may seem, otherwise, you might be getting yourself into a little web of lies that is hard to crawl out of (hello, Gossip Girl). As Dr. Juan explains, dishonesty breeds a whole lot of other issues such as mistrust, fear and insecurity, eventually damaging all those involved and really getting in the way of moving on.

Chat about it Dr. Juan recognises that this aspect could be scary for youth in particular, (some of us might be slightly more prepared to re-enact several scenes from a horror movie than dish the dirt that we dug), but with two sides to every situation, it really defines adult behaviour. “The adult understands all sides, weighs them up against each other and makes a decision based upon what is better or worse”, he says. “The child runs away from this as too hard”. With this in mind, we advise that you discuss the issue calmly and openly, but be assertive if you feel like you’re shouldering the blame for something that could have been a misunderstanding. That said, perhaps refrain from pulling anyone’s hair, stamping your foot in indignation or using the ‘my bestie made me do it’ argument. In our experience, these methods don’t exactly guarantee results.

Getting back into the good books “I lied to my parents about where I was going once, and when they found out, they were furious”, says Cate, 15. “I was freaked out when they were mad, but it did not compare to the weeks of quiet treatment and disappointment afterwards because I had let them down”. Whether you’ve hurt a bestie, cheated on a boyfriend, lied to your parents or disappointed your teachers, the outcome at this point is all the same: a simple apology and acknowledgement of error won’t heal all wounds – you still need to prove that you can be trusted. As Dr. Juan explains, “making amends is a necessary step towards forgiveness and redemption”, and in Cate’s months-of-cleaning and good grades experience, the only way to get back on the responsibility and trust wagon.

Two wrongs don’t make a right You might have gotten off slightly easy the first time around, but don’t expect you’re your subsequent stuff-ups will go unnoticed. We can’t all be perfect (even church-going Terri lies to her dad in Raise Your Voice), but coming close requires heaps of effort – you have to earn back the trust in yourself and the trust that others place in you. Regrets and mistakes bring with them important life lessons that stay with you as you age: so start accepting responsibility for your actions and learn from your mishaps. After all, that’s what being an adult is all about. Oh and that fabulous ID of course!

The USYD Bull: The excitement of faith

Sarah Ayoub talks about the connections between people that WYD will foster.

Appeared in: The Bull, edition 13, 8th June 2008

Copyright, Sarah Ayoub, 2007

As time moves closer towards the biggest Australian event since the Olympics – World Youth Day 2008 – thousands of young Aussies are revaluating their position on the event and what it might mean to them.

It is quite obvious nowadays that believing in God and practising a faith with the fervency required by the Catholic Church is a stigma that is not to be shared, yet here we have quite possibly the largest assembly of young faithful believers from around the globe gathering on our soil to do just that in the biggest public display possible. And despite the stigma at hand, the excitement is brewing beyond measure so that even the most lapsed Catholics want in on the action.

When considering the fact that 26% of the Australian population is Catholic (with various degrees of faith and practice) the aforementioned excitement seems understandable. But it is the activities and the events associated with WYD that bring the excitement and hype to new levels. Not only is this the first time in over twelve years that a Pope will grace our land down under, but it is also the first journey by the new Pope Benedict XVI, a pope known for this orthodox ways and strict attention to tradition.

These strict ways would seem out of date to many Australians, but for some, they are a refreshing reality and way of life – a way to practice some control in a time of complete liberalism that often leaves people searching for something bigger, deeper and more fulfilling. It’s a way to connect with oneself and one another on a deeper level, with an opportunity not to dwell on the earthly life because of the awareness that there’s something more spectacular waiting.

This notion only occurred to me when I went to an advanced screening of Gus Van Sant’s new flick, Paranoid Park. The film centred on the lives of a group of high school kids that frequent a skate park, and I expected it to venture into the skate culture in the suburban areas of the United States. But the movie struck me on a much deeper level – it sank into the very notions of what it means to be a young person in this day and age, and how, with the disintegration of the family through extra work, higher divorce rates and the like, there’s not much opportunities for young people to grow up with the happy energies of love and hope for the future.

I remember my heart stinging during the scene where the main character is depressed because his parents are divorcing, only to be told by his friend that everyone’s parents get divorced these days, as if it was meant to be some sort of consolation. Or sadly wondering why a teenage girl would ring her friends right after she lost her virginity to her boyfriend and speak about it like it was no big deal, while he’s in the other room wondering why something that should be a personal thing is being shared in an arena for others to comment on, as if it meant nothing.

Helping to restoring meaning and values is why WYD could be the best thing that’s happening to the Catholic youth of Australia. Perhaps they can move from their Bebo and MySpace profiles, from their parties and their endless questions of where they are going, to finding a deeper fulfilment in themselves while fostering a great connection with others from around the globe. World Youth Day will be an inspiring, fun and educational opportunity for the millions of attendees, all amidst the glory of this great nation. I’d hate to think that somewhere, there’s a young person giving up on life, when a long time ago, God’s own Son made the ultimate life sacrifice for our eternal happiness.

Most Australian youth love a good festival. And there’s no bigger festival than WYD 08. While our government is happy with the economic boom that the pilgrims will bring, the WYD party is stoked knowing that it’s bringing together so many young people to foster in them a greater love of life in all its flaws and all its glories. And with love being the essence of every Christian message and the Christian faith in general, there’s a guaranteed euphoria that one way or another, WYD is going to make that happen – at least for the sake of knowing that even if your parents get divorced and you’re going through a life crisis, there’s always something that will pick you up again. And that’s what faith is all about.