Wordsmith Lane

Girlfriend Magazine: Panic! At the Disco – Is your party a recipe for disaster?

Published in Girlfriend, September 2008. Copyright Sarah Ayoub 2008

If you think all parties are smooth sailing, then you are yet to watch enough O.C and Gossip Girl episodes to prove otherwise. Still, it doesn’t hurt to be prepared, so we’ve tackled the most common party panics so you can chill the night away with limited worry. At least we’re realistic!

The Issue: Gate Crashers

Probably the messiest of all party-woes, uninvited guests bring with them havoc and damage, massive repair bills (we bet your ‘rents wont pay for broken fences) and infamy of the bad kind. But before you think that getting on the news will fast-track your fame factor Corey-style, remember that gate crashing can get uglier than a chastisement on national TV – in Australia and overseas, guests have died from the furore that is a gate-crashed party.

The Remedy: Take the proper precautions beforehand. Notify your local police station of your party intentions, so they’re aware of where you’re at for random check-ups or if things get tough. Get your dad and his mates to act as security at the front, or hire a professional company to do it if it’s a much larger affair. Make sure the entry and exit points of the venue are manned. Stick to a guest list, and don’t send out any electronic invites (email, MySpace and Facebook messages are easily shared). If uninvited guests turn up and don’t leave, call the police to have them removed from the party. They’re breaking and entering.

The Issue: Drugs & Alcohol

Sure, we’d love it if people observed the underage or it’s illegal rule, but it’s often not the case. You’re bound to get into heaps of trouble if serving alcohol to those underage, but also remember that there are other issues to contend with – such as illicit substances, drink-driving, and spiking.

The Remedy: Smashed, the safe-partying magazine produced by the Mid North Drug Action team, suggests that you “decide who will serve alcohol and monitor the amounts…consumed and levels of intoxication”. It also advises you “discourage BYO alcohol or decide how you will manage amounts brought by guests”. And while you can’t strip search anyone who might have an illegal substance on them, make sure there’s adequate supervision so that even if there’s an inkling of suspicion, you can get onto it right away. Let your parents do the rounds once a while, as they’re more likely to pinpoint those under the influence of suspicious substances, or those whose drinks might have been spiked. Have them help with the sorting out of who’s getting home and how, and don’t EVER hesitate to call the ambulance if someone’s in danger. And lying on the floor is practically close.

The Issue: Hanky-Panky in the bedroom

In the hustle and bustle that is every party, with people walking in and out of bathrooms, lounge rooms filled with guests and others depositing their presents on the dining room table, it’s easy not to notice the loved-up couples making their way into the bedrooms for a party of their own, which could get ugly when your mum’s putting your little brother to bed, or considering the mess they’re bound to create in there.

The Remedy: “While you can’t force your party guests to behave, you can restrict their abilities to misbehave”, says Yolanda, who has three teenage children who have all celebrated three important birthdays in the past year. “I close all the bedroom doors; have my husband watch everyone who walks in the house carefully and my ten year old is a great tattle tale on suspicious behaviour”. Take a tip from her book and get the gossiping aunty to keep an eye out for any naughty business – we bet there’s one in every family.

The Issue: Violence between guests

This one’s a toughie that’s hard to predict because it happens in the heat of the moment. It could be two girls fighting over a guy or vice versa, or even two testosterone-fuelled guys that clash with one another over some stupid reason.

The Remedy: Usually when these things happen, other guests step in to break it up, but if you see it escalating your best bet is to call for supervising adults or your hired security personnel to try and quell the fighting and perhaps remove the guests from the party (although sometimes they’re likely to take it elsewhere). If however, one of the parties displays or talks about producing a weapon, or makes other threats, it’s probably best to call the police and let the pro’s handle it.

The Issue: Sibling Shame and Party Pooper Parents

Your crush is about to whisper sweet nothings in your ear as you pose for a photograph, but then your little sister joins in on the shot, ignoring your protests and deciding to make a scene until your mum dolls her up in her best party dress and lets her in on the party action. “I was so excited about my birthday”, says Sarah, 19, to whom the scenario above is too familiar considering her sweet sixteenth photos all include a gap-tooth mini-version of her in a frilly dress, “but there were kids all over the place ruining the moment. And to top it off, my dad took supervision mode to the extreme, turning on the lights every ten minutes until my guests got so peeved, they stopped dancing”.

The remedy: Chat to your parents about your concerns beforehand. Let them know that you’d like the lights off, but that they can sneak a peek here and there by actually coming outside once a while. That said, they’re only worried because they’re supervising kids that aren’t theirs, so it’s not necessarily a trust issue with you as much as it is a responsible parenting one. As to the kids, trying to convince your parents you’d like one night to yourself is your best option, but in case they use the “they love you and want to share in your joy” card, ask for a kiddie table in the garage, so they feel like they’re a part of the party, but they’re still out of the way. If that doesn’t pan out, we’re guessing you’re going to be stuck doing their chores for a week. Here’s hoping your party’s worth it!