Wordsmith Lane

Girlfriend Magazine: Rite of Passage

Published in Girlfriend, September 2009. Copyright Sarah Ayoub 2009

Sacred, traditional and beautiful, the transition from child to woman is a beautiful journey for every female, no matter her cultural and religious background. Four girls tell us how they celebrated their biggest milestone yet…

Turning 18

Marie-Claire Ayoub – Coming of Age as an adult in Australia, aged 18

Marie-Claire says: “I decided to have a party to mark my transition from child to adult in the eyes of the law, and to celebrate with my friends one last time after finishing high school. I was finally allowed to take responsibility for every aspect of my life, vote, and move on to a bigger phase of my life – uni, work and all that goes with it!

Instead of a present, my parents threw me a massive party complete with DJ, lots of great food and drinks, and, in reflection of my Lebanese background, my brother arranged for the Lebanese drum, called the tubbel, to be played at intervals during the night. That was a massive highlight for me as it is usually used at wedding celebrations, so it really got the party started, because the sound of the drum is so alive. That said, my sister surprised me with a great gift – my first trip to Melbourne for a weekend of fun, shopping and relaxation.

I did not really want to structure it around speeches, but my friends and I danced and laughed as we remembered some of our times in school, and the silly things I did as a kid. I also had the DJ play ‘Seventeen Forever’ by metro station, just for a bit of a reminder that my childhood was behind me and now was the time to celebrate before I really grew up. I am glad that I marked my coming of age with a party – it truly made a fun occasion even more memorable and I will never forget it”.

The Bat mitzvah

Nicole Blaivas – Coming of Age in the Jewish Faith, aged 12

Nicole says: “I started preparing for my Bat mitzvah just over a year before the actual day. The ceremony, which is usually held in a synagogue, signifies becoming a woman [and according to Jewish law, reaching an age where the commandments begin to apply] but my Bat mitzvah was really important to me because my nan-nan, who had passed away earlier, really wanted me to do it.

As a sign of respect, girls are expected to wear dresses and skirts, and cover their shoulders during the ceremony. During my Bat Mitzvah, I spoke in Hebrew [the Jewish language] and discussed what it meant for me to celebrate, and what I had learnt in my process of preparation. I also explained the meaning for each letter in my Jewish name, Hannah, and presented a project about a great Jewish woman by that name. It all took a lot of practice and research but it was fun – and Hannah’s life was so interesting!

I have loads of memories and mementos from the event – including a Star of David necklace, my project on Hannah, and loads of photos. Plus, mum bought me this special mother/daughter gift which I still have in my room.

I loved celebrating with those who really love and care about me, and it was good to share it with my school friends, because it was a different experience and they got to see a part of my religion. It has definitely been one of my life’s highlights so far.”
The Debutante Ball

Alexis and Lana Hyland – Coming of age in the Western Christian tradition, aged 16 

Alexis says: “Held in a ballroom or function hall, a debutante ball is a tradition whereby a young girl is presented to her community in celebration of the stage at which she reaches maturity and turns into a woman.

Every Sunday for 6 months, we debutantes and our partners would meet to be taught everything from walking in and greeting the dignitaries [members of parliament and religious and community leaders], to dances that included the traditional waltz, and the final moment in which our names are read aloud for our blessing by the bishop. We also had many dress fittings – debutantes wear a white ball gown and gloves to symbolise innocence and purity before becoming a woman, as well as femininity and elegance. During the celebration, we are escorted by a partner through the entry and dances, and having a date demonstrates the somewhat fairytale beginnings of a woman through love and friendships.

My sister and I can’t even describe how we felt…we were nervous, excited, and happy but mostly we were proud of being part of our Catholic community and being a lady, plus we loved every moment of feeling like a princess. It all felt worthwhile when our names were called out in front of all our friends and family. Our ball was not only a tradition that we met, but apart from our weddings that are yet to come, it was the best celebration of our lives”.

The Quinceanera

Edith Valenzuela – Coming of Age in the Latin American culture, aged 15

Edith says: “The Quinceanera is the right of passage celebrated on a girl’s 15^th birthday and representing her becoming a lady within her community. Essentially like a wedding, the whole process takes months to prepare, and I had to choose a big white ball gown, organise a ballroom, and of course food, decorations, a DJ, and waiters to serve my many guests. I even had a huge wedding-style cake complete with fountain!

But the highlight for me was my entrance. As part of the tradition, the birthday girl is supposed to arrive late, and make a grand entrance with her father to a song of her choice while her ‘court’ of 15 boys and 15 girls stand across from one another [in a guard of honour style] – boys holding a rose, and girls holding a lit candle.

I passed through with my father, blowing out each candle and taking a rose from each boy, which is the actual process that signifies your coming of age. I then danced a waltz with my father, followed by every single one of the 15 boys, which demonstrated that I was now available to date.

Celebrating my Quinceanera was something my parents wanted me to do, but it was also my choice. It has been my favourite birthday so far, and if my daughter wanted to do it, I would encourage her to. It’s just like a mini-wedding, and the whole celebration process is just so exciting”.