Wordsmith Lane

Why I just can’t work today

I need words of encouragement. I need someone to enforce some sort of discipline to my list of things to do. I also need to cease my incessant desire to see what people are up to on Facebook and Twitter. I say this because I have a manically growing to-do list…and an attention-span that is decreasing every second.

Let’s take this slowly as I attempt to share my predicament (and recent joys) with you. We’ll start off with the thesis that got no attention last year. I decided to go with my better judgement and stayed in the program, despite the fact that I seriously thought of dropping out. I am glad I didn’t though. I want to do this. And evidently I should, because I am contributing to something new and interesting on the Aussie media front, especially if the words of our NSW Police Commissioner are anything to go by.

My problem is that I have too many things on my mind. I took an annual leave day from work today, in attempt to work on one of my thesis chapters, but ten emails, three phone calls, and many a conversation with my mum/sister later, I have not started it. I was also meant to go to a Pilates class, but decided to stay home and get my work done. Big mistake, as the class would have been energising and invigorating. Plus, getting my work done didn’t include watching Lady Gaga’s clip for Telephone (the clean version, and I still didn’t understand it) but that’s what I did anyway. I also skimmed the wedding section of the latest issue of shop til you drop, ate too much chocolate, created a Twitter account for my wedding planner and slouched in my seat in a manner that does not befit a pilates enthusiast.

So I decided to do something else instead and work on my book. I had planned to finish it by the end of March but spent all of March lazing about and doing nothing, so joke is on me. I am now currently working on chapter 12 (although chapter 11 needs a lot of work) and frankly, I am sick of sitting at my laptop and writing. The sun outside is shining. And I can hear my neighbour’s wind chimes. And my fiance has a day off and I would much rather spend it with him.

But I shall not. Why? Two days ago, I got a call from the woman I hope to make my literary agent. She liked the first ten chapters of my novel and wants me to send it off to her as soon as I finish it. She was very encouraging. She also told me to stop showing it to people, so fingers crossed that this might be the beginnings of a wonderful working relationship.

I also have loads of pitches to write, books to review here and readings to be done for my uni research. And I start working five days a week as of next week, so I don’t know how I am going to manage.

What I do know is that things are falling into place, even though I am not ticking them off my list. In two weeks, I will be running a Vibewire Workshop on pitching to the media, something I am very excited about. It’s another thing to add to my list of speaking credits but there’s a lot of work that goes in the preparation of it.

It’s now 1pm and though I have been up since 7am, I have not done much. But somehow, I can’t be too ashamed. It’s a lot to juggle, but it’s also a lot to be excited about. A thesis that’s timely, prospective success with finding a book agent, and more to my credit as a freelance journalist.

I really want to be mad at myself right now, but I can’t help but feel as though all my hard work as a wannabe wordsmith could slowly start to pay off.